Sunlight, blue sky, breezy white clouds slide across the picture window in my office, my corner of the world, away from worry, striving and stress. My prayer beads rest on the desk, fresh from a recent round of al-Wird. A purple silk scarf drapes my shoulders over a lilac blouse where a golden pendent with the name of Allah reflects the sunlight.
You keep showing me myself, Yourself in the world, seeing You here and there. And here and now. The peace and serenity seem daunting. Can I simply surrender and receive the grace, Your grace within me? And so, I keep writing, watching the words form on the page. And then a pause, as self-consciousness slows the flow.
Last week Your presence so strong I wept as I stepped out of the shower. Your presence conveying to me that the life I feel, the life I live is Your life within me. I could barely move—not knowing what to do with this sudden, complete wave of Presence. Surrender is all I could manage, standing on the bathmat, dripping wet, towel in hand, unable to dry myself, unable to move. The overwhelming sense of You dominating every thought, every breath and so I stood there dripping wet, sobbing as You simply made Yourself known. “Let go, let go, just keep letting go,” my only thought.
About then my husband walked into the bathroom and found me sobbing over bent knees. His immediate reaction, loving and kind, his presence lifting me out of the cauldron of light, fear, surrender. I was able to tell him, “I’m OK. Just had a revelation that has brought me to my knees.”
Gradually the intensity diminishes but the sense remains. My life is not mine but His; His life within me is what animates my flesh, gives me life. And so now when I think of me, it is really You I feel. My moods, desires, wishes are orchestrated, energized, by You in me.
