Love Thy Neighbor

The commandment “Love thy neighbor as thy self” implies that to love my neighbor I must first love myself. The expression “love thy self” is not clear to me.  How do I do that? New clothes, fine car, big house? What about the self inside that shows up periodically wrecking havoc with my sense of wellbeing? How do I love that self?

John described in a recent conversation that our memories and experiences are stored in the cerebellum. When triggered by an outer event, a memory or impression surfaces from this stored reservoir overwhelming the conscious mind with that memory: fear, lack of worth, ineptitude, etc. I know this experience well.  When life elicits an old memory or impression, I am thrown back into the consciousness of that circumstance and am overwhelmed by the old beliefs. Without a deeper sense of self, I am caught by that image or mirage and lose myself in that history.  It becomes my reality. 

However, due to years of meditation, spiritual practices, and prayer I have begun to connect with a deeper healing presence, a sense of myself separate from this sudden resurgence of old memories. I can hold steady, saying to myself, “It’s OK. I’ve got this. You can trust me,” watching as the sense of overwhelm subsides. In the face of old habits of thinking and feeling I chose to comfort and love that part of myself, the “mangy dog” self, the shamed and broken self that I, with great effort, have kept under wraps, horrified that I will be exposed to its censure and debasement. This deeper conscious self acknowledges the stored memory of pain and fear and self-loathing and loves it, comforts it, embraces it.  These wounded places of stored self hate and fear feel loved, cared for and protected. I love the broken wounded, fearful places. I love myself. And now maybe I have a chance of loving my neighbor.

It occurred to me that what stopped my writing is the belief in my lack of wisdom.  There is a level of knowing, a broader vision, an intelligence that I just don’t grasp so what can I possible have to offer. Seems I am caught in a belief that what I know is not good enough. The perfection I am seeking is the mistake. What I know is sufficient.  I am only being asked to say what I know, to contribute my thoughts to the continuum of all human knowledge.  This is how it looks from here.  This is what I see, hear and feel.  I can write from what I know and trust that what I know is sufficient to share with the world.

Today while walking I began to think about writing and the lack of it I seem to be doing.  Immediately my chest caves in, my pace slows down, my shoulders hunch as I succumb to the torturous sensation of guilt and hopelessness.  But I refuse to give in to this sensation and immediately start chanting God’s name—Allah, Allah, Allah. My attention is drawn to the electric fence surrounding the upper meadow.  Tiny crystal raindrops cling to the bottom edge along the length of each wire reflecting the world of color around me. This exquisite detail and simplicity draws me back to the present moment and I remember my wholeness and perfection. I turn back to the beauty and perfection here in the natural world. I turn back to that perfection in me and trust. 

Jamila Davies

September 21, 2016

Writing is a tool...

At a recent day of writing together Writing from the Heart, many of you expressed a desire to write a book or tell a story or felt a longing to express something that niggles at your heart and mind.  Not everyone wants to produce a book or an article or a product but many of you asked, “How do I begin? What do I do first?” Someone even asked, “How do I get published?” Since I am not a published author, my advice in that area would be limited. But one thing I know from my work writing and from reading and talking with other published authors is that publishing is the last step in a very long process. 

In order to be published you have to produce a work of art—at least a work that has the qualities of that genre—a unique expression of you.  What I mean is, you need to focus first on your writing.  Think of writing as gathering wheat, not how it is done these days where huge farm equipment clears a field in a matter of hours.  But instead think about how women and men would gather wheat in the old days gathering stalks of wheat by hand, tying the stalks together in bundles with rope or string and then transporting the bundles to the threshing floor by horse and wagon. Then the threshing begins, beating the long stalks of grain against the hard ground or stone floor to separate the seeds from the stalk and then grinding the seeds into a fine powder that when mixed with yeast, water, oil and salt and allowed to rise is baked into a delicious loaf of bread—and there’s you book! 

This process takes days of steady labor. And it takes lots and lots of stalks of wheat! Lots of gathering, lots of writing, lots of separating the wheat from the chaff and even then you need inspiration (yeast) to make the dough rise, to form the loaf. Writing is a tool that opens the door to your own creativity and thought and good writing requires refining (threshing and milling).  Thinking about how to get published before you’ve even begun to write is like trying to make bread without flour. Got to do the hard work first!

I’ve been writing a memoir for years now.  Maybe I am slow, not as genius as another, but the process of writing and re-writing has honed my skill, has clarified for me my voice—who it is I am that is telling the story.  This has been an invaluable process. And will I ever get published? God knows! But will I write, will I keep writing and refining and understanding myself better with each revision. You bet!

Just start writing and keep writing and maybe one day you will have a great big wonderful loaf of bread to share.  Pass the butter and jam!!