Happy Birthday Mom!

An email I wrote to my siblings:  Today is Mom's birthday and I've been thinking about her so much these past few weeks.  Seems like I'm having a chance to remember her as an individual, separate from my usual mother-daughter memories.  The first thing that struck me was her unswerving devotion to God, her unrelenting faith and trust which has meant most to me as I struggle with my own faith and trust.  She never varied even when things looked bleakest, she held tight "to the rope of God."   So much strength in her resolve and so much gratitude in me for her example.  It helps to know she persisted.  So that's one thing.  The other thing that struck me just yesterday or the day before was how young she was when dad died...  I know, to some of you, 66, may still seem old... but aren't we all getting to that age where the separation between age and youth is no longer the gap it was; the gap is so narrow now.  Even at 67, soon to be 68, there is an ageless being inside me that is still somewhat shocked to see the outer expression in the mirror, no longer matching the inner sense of self.  So when I thought about dad the other day, he died in 1985 at age 71, I thought "Oh my God, mom was only 66! A year YOUNGER than I am now." and I wept for her loss.  She seemed so old at the time, and of course you expect people to die when they get old but suddenly she was myself, staring ahead at a life without her dearest friend and most loved companion... OK, so maybe my spin on this is due to me suddenly facing how I might feel to lose my "sweetest heart," but still, it was a stunning realization at seeing how little I knew her and appreciated her struggle.  So this is sort of a mea culpa for my arrogant, childlike view of you mom, and a chance to maybe remember you in the light of who you are... a wonderful woman, a loving companion and a brilliant star.